IBS Field Time – Week 1 April 10th-16th

Julie:

Matthew 10:39 – “Whoever find his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

I am finding myself numb, like a robot.  On the plane back to Guatemala and a few days after arriving I was worrying a little inside because I thought I had cracked.  I thought I was broken of connecting my emotions to my actions.  But as I was journaling, I was saying how lost I feel.  I feel like I have lost grips of who I am and what makes me “me”.  I feel like I no longer possess compassion or empathy or happiness or sadness or anger.  I’m just existing right now.  The enemy has tried telling me that people in my life who are emotionless have rubbed off on me.  He has also tried convincing me that Dad dying as so tramatic that I have flipped all my switched off to avoid dealing with it.  But instead of freaking out (which I can’t do anyway), I turned to God.  And God showed me this verse and reminded me that I am on the right path.  I felt so much peace when I read it.  I felt joy – not to be confused with happiness.  I felt my fruits growing not my emotions.  God reminded me that if I lose myself, I will find myself in Jesus.  God is sanctifying me.  He is setting me apart from the way the world thinks.  I do not want my emotions to guide me anymore, but instead the truth.  I felt like I was walking just parallel to the Christian walk, so close that it looked like I was on it, but my path had a cliff that I had just walked off.  But this verse disillusioned the trick the enemy was playing on me.  I feel so comforted knowing that God is transforming and renewing my mind to be more like Him.